Of All The Addictions

Of all the things to be addicted to lip balm isn't too bad. It's not too expensive or socially alienating, and it's not likely to cause you to die young. There are no negative health consequences that I know of, and even if I have to go without it for a couple days or hours, I would never resort to stabbing someone for lip balm money. My friend had terrible chapped lips, and he confided in me that he was trying to quit. His theory was that if his lips stopped getting used to lip balm they would produce more moisture and he could break the Burt’s Bees cycle. I didn’t see him for several months and looked forward to hearing the results of his self experiment, but when we met again he was back on the balm. Now I’m waiting for the day I go to the drug store and find all the lip balm is selling for $50 a tube. They have us right where they want us.