The Outback


My vegetarian girlfriend loves Outback steakhouse for reasons that have never been clear to me. There's one right next to the place we go to do our taxes, so every year we stop after tax time to get some Big Bloke beers and a Bloomin' Onion. Tax time is painful. And chasing tax filing with a Bloomin' Onion every year has conditioned me to feel the pain of tax time whenever I see a Bloomin' Onion. Or maybe that's just the pain I feel after eating half of a deep fried onion served with a side of spicy mayo that causes those feelings. My favorite part about the annual Outback visit is the menu, because where I live chain restaurants are required to print the number of calories in each item on the menu. Do you know that some of their salads are as high as 1,700 or 1,800 calories? It makes you feel a bit better about ordering a hamburger topped with bacon and Bloomin' onion petals.

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